Untouchable
by chocolatecrazy95
Summary: Just when she thought he was moving away, he came closer than she had ever expected..


**Untouchable **

I am surrounded by confusion. There is the usual headache building up and nothing can't stop it from doing so. It is too loud because everybody is talking to somebody else. Some are yelling and some are whispering but the quietly heard sounds and simple sentences somehow make the equal noise compared to the other ones. I look curiously around and then come to a conclusion as my eyes fall on my hands. I start thinking very irrationally. What if you have always been the more sensitive one - the one who cares? What if you take in every single thing said - every joke, every sarcastic reply, every lie which isn't actually supposed to mean anything? You take it in and you observe it. And then you get upset of course. You know that they, the people you don't define as quite equal, do not actually mean what they are saying and might even not know what their words mean. You assure yourself they would forget it after a few days pass or two weeks tops. Your best friend hugs you, looks you in the eyes and says they are just doing that because they have problems with their sanity or confidence or because they envy you. You sigh loudly and nod your head in agreement although both of you know what was just exchanged was not even close to the original and real enough truth. However, you want to feel better and so does your best friend. You're helping out one another and that's all it ever was and will be. Girls have power in conversation and that's the key to eternal girlfriend partnership. It can even be described in a theory. Women or young ladies, who are the closest you can purely imagine in their friendships between each other, are one another's soul-mates. The guys are those other people you fall in love and have fun with. They are along with you for the ride but they may come off or take a break because of the dizziness at times. While those gals, who you share your life and your everything with, can be called the insights of your whole personality and spirit. They will take the seat next to you when the final curtain closes down and they will go through anything to see it happen in front of their eyes. You sit across from them in the coffee shop or the Chinese restaurant or even the bed at 3 a.m. And all you do is say reassuring and positive words even if you don't believe them. You hold her hand and have that piece of glitter in your eyes which screams - you will be fine and it was nothing. It happens when her heart had been broken by some loser, when she has had an unsuccessful day at work or just when she feels lonely. You know you will get the same treatment when time comes but that's not the reason you are doing it. Because in the end of the day, there is the phone and there is that one best friend who you can call anytime and speak everything to no matter what. In strange times and when you are very, very lucky, you can meet a best friend of male gender and all you can do is take a chance and hope for the best. Just like I did.

I turn to my left and actually gaze at a certain someone who I met eight years ago. Not a girl but powerful enough with all evidence to the contrary. He is listening to those songs which he knows by heart and looking out the window probably looking blankly with wide eyes at nothing while hearing the familiar lyrics and beats. His hair is falling in his left eye as usual and his lips are curved into an invisible smile. I do want to remember this side of him, this picture of a certain behavior which speaks so much. He doesn't see me but I keep on staring without moving my eyes for a second.

I did fall in love with him eventually two years ago. I wrote endless stupid poems and lyrics to songs of how we would wind up together and the happy ending would be one of the happiest ones. He could always be described as the prince charming with the best of all. The start of our love story would be simple and yet catchy enough - he would confess and I would reply with the same and then the passionate kiss would follow which would be described as pure magic. I dreamed of him almost every night and couldn't help but think about his perfect face and arms whenever I had the chance to. My courage never came and so, I gave up without trying. I cried and cried. I felt terrible but the pain spread, vanished or at least hid for some time and until the time of speaking. I kept writing in my diary every night and in the end, I would always go back to those pages with hearts, his name written in every possible way and my own combined with his last. The words which were so full of real feelings and huge and confident hopes. I put on make up every morning before going to school and dressed a little too good for the lab experiments. However, I thought that was the only way to get his attention. I never succeeded because someone else eventually stole his heart right in front of my eyes. That blond beautiful girl with long hair and long legs and perfect skin and sparkling eyes. I used to call her the idiot stick figure without a heart. She was on the top of the tops and found him handsome and smart. That was enough for them to go on a date the same Friday they met for the first time and then, unfortunately, fall madly in love. In that particular time, I remember sitting on my bedroom floor and exploring it for hours while wrapped in one of his sweatshirts. He had forgotten it after having a tutorial math session in my room because of a test. The smell was amazing, the fabric felt amazing and whenever I touched it, I remembered everything amazing there was about him and the moments we had spent together and which would count as mind-blowing and fantastic before the idiot stick figure without a heart came along.

Their relationship or as stupid people, who I am surrounded by at the moment of speaking, like to refer to it as a love high-school affair, ended exactly one month and a couple of days ago. If you are a simple outsider, you would immediately think of this as absolutely long enough period of time for the female and male side of the relationship to have moved on and started to enjoy their life before they had met their last love partner. The heartless blondie already has a new boyfriend on the market named Jake who is the new student and football captain of the school's football team. However and unfortunately, my basketball one and best friend is still somewhere stuck inside an unhappy land, while listening to sad old songs, and still hasn't taken up the invitation to escape from it and go back to being smiley, happy in general and perfect for any kind of conversation.

He has a full and absolutely beautiful heart. He was never afraid to show it to the whole world and he probably will never be. He has always been the type of guy to express all of his emotions and say "I love you" to his mother, father and little sister with brown innocent eyes whenever he has the chance to do so. Therefore, when he started dating the tall freak, he fell in love and couldn't keep the words coming out from his mouth once he was very sure and knew he was ready enough to tell her. He couldn't help it and she answered with the same because she didn't want to show the actual rejection to a boy who was apparently crazy for her and was not afraid to show it or say it. I remember him telling me about that romantic evening underneath the stars when he said the magical words and felt his heart would jump out from his shirt when she whispered them back and they kissed. I felt sick when he was finished with his love sentences but nodded my head and said I was too happy for him to put it in words. Part of that was true - I couldn't put it in actual words because I felt too vulnerable and dizzy at the same time. The sad thing in relationships like theirs is the pure fact that once you say "I love you", you are not a free agent anymore and you take things to a whole new level which might turn out to be a little too scary for the person next to you as it did in their case. You turn the high school fling into a serious and hopeful high school relationship. Usually that is the all-time girl's dream - to find a guy who cares about her, can say the words she wants to hear more than anything else in the entire world and is not scared to commit exclusively. While the guy starts feeling insecure and probably decides to run away before it gets even worse. This is the typical setting but with my high school latest "it" couple, it was the total and absolute opposite. She couldn't commit to him as fully as he wanted and she wasn't sure if she was ready for the kind of relationship he was offering. That's at least the explanation he gave me. Actually, it was a lot simpler than that. She got a little but enough scared when he said he loved her and made up all the other reasons for breaking up because she couldn't say to him the truth - she wanted a new boyfriend also known as a new toy to play around with until she graduates and moves to college hookups.

My greatest friend was heart-broken, wouldn't eat for days, stayed in his pajamas and wouldn't leave his room to even shower. He just sat in his bed and stared at the ceiling and walls blankly. He told me he needed time to just think clearly through what had just happened to him in order to put it behind and move on. I believed him and gave him the space and the time he was asking for. However, a week turned into three weeks and then he simply had to come back to school because of his mother and the disappearance of her understanding in the first place. I was on her side. He couldn't keep what he was doing, so I just started helping him with the lessons, all he had missed and tried to make him go back to being normal as soon it was possible. When he returned to school, he told me he felt out of place and truly unhappy. He hadn't moved on and he wasn't even close to being ready to do that. I remember sighing in response with a hopeful expression because I didn't want to show how angry I was of the fact that a brainless freak had turned my best friend into a mess which I never thought he could become.

We started going to see movies and eating out whenever possible. I had a mission. It was simple enough and I was confident enough to believe in a final and satisfying success. I wanted to get my best friend back. I had no idea where he had gone or why he had let a meaningless girlfriend get him down for such a long period of time. However, anything was possible and so I had my hopes and believes of a change back to real life. I was not sure of my feelings and I have to admit I was kind of lost. I didn't know if by seeing him constantly, my old ones would return. Also, I didn't even know if they existed anymore. However, my questions got answered quite soon. Yes, I was still in love with him and just one touch by his hand on my own turned the fireworks to flashbacks and memories which ended up in my welcoming back my sick love addiction to my dumped best friend.

"What are you thinking about, Brie?"

"You. I am thinking about you."

As the words escape my mouth, I turn my head to the left and meet his striking blue eyes. I suddenly realize what I have said and decide to find an easy escape from the awkward situation I have just started. However, I stop for a second. Wait a minute. May be this is it. May be this is the final and perfect moment for confessions. The moment when my happily ever after will begin. The moment of truth.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I am not sure how to say this. I.. was just thinking about past and present and future."

He chuckles and puts his earplugs on the desk while turning his full body figure towards me. Confusion is written all over his perfect features which I happen to know by heart. May be this is the moment when I will humiliate myself for eternity.

"Wait. I'm sorry. What did you just say?"

"I said I was thinking about the past, the present and future..connected with you. And may be a little with me."

"Please explain more."

I am interrupted by the bell ringing and signalizing the end of the day, even though I haven't even decided what to say exactly, where to start from and find a specific and dramatic reason why it came out just now. We share a quick glance between one another and pack our things as fast as possible. After that, we say goodbye to everyone around in order to be polite and show our respect for the friendships we have so far made. Then we sneak out of the torture building and into his car. The engine suddenly starts and we escape the school's parking lot.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

"Want to get some coffee?"

"Sure."

I don't exactly know what's the right place to confess to your longtime best friend that you have been in love with him for some time and still are. There isn't a best way or best picked-out words and sentences which form the best speech known to mankind. Everything has to happen naturally, honestly and not like it is a part of a romantic play with a tragic ending followed by tears and regret, coming from all the old women in the audience. It just has to be easy once you look into each other's eyes from across the table and realize the secrets have to go out and the silence and lies aren't an option anymore. So, I decide to wait until we get to our coffee shop and then deal with everything including my feelings. We would sit down and then I would make the decision of what words I would use and where to look at during the whole time. It won't be his face even though it's too handsome not to stare at. I am sure that after the actual confession comes out of my mouth, he will look at me in a certain way. It will make me freeze and turn to stone.

He switches on the radio and now I am sure he has reached the conclusion that I am going to wait until we got there and then open my mouth. A song by Coldplay begins and I roll my window down a bit. I willingly greet the lovely wind blowing from outside and stare at the familiar atmosphere. Los Angeles. Crowded, busy, wonderful and full of something which cannot be defined exactly. When I wake up in the morning, go outside and start walking down the streets and blocks, just going somewhere as always, I often encounter the somehow fresh and full of life air which is actually the very opposite. That specific air of Los Angeles. The city of angels can and always will have the qualities and everything needed to be boldly described as the magical place where all Hollywood dreams and hopes come to. They arrive here with papers, excitement, talent and expectations. They are young and beautiful and athletic and hope to be lucky. How can you not love Los Angeles? Especially since you have been here all your life and don't have a clue how you're going to get out and live differently, even though you want to do it very, very much. And yes, I do. I do want to finish high school and go to college somewhere, anywhere in Europe. I love France and Italy and England. I am addicted to all of them even though they haven't been visited by me even once. I want to change it. By it, I am referring to my life here in Los Angeles. I want new people, new adventures, new hopes and expectations ahead of me. I want to feel like a tourist and actually explore the unknown city and its different and rich and interesting culture. I don't want to go there with a friend and be myself around him or her. I want to change who I am and I want to show the new side of my personality to new people because I know they won't judge me like the ones here, who I have known pretty much my whole life. They won't know my past and the mistakes I have made. They won't have seen me drunk or high once. They won't know all my boyfriends and all the reasons I had to break up with them. They won't know I had been in love with my best friend for years before actually telling him. They will just start to get to know me. And I will show them the new European version of myself and hope they like it or may be love it if possible. I will hope for the very best in the end. For myself, for my family, for my Los Angeles friends and for the guy, sitting next to me.

We get two full cups of hot coffee and he pays the girl with the red hat, standing there looking tired and unhappy. I guess it's because she wants to finally go home and relax. May be she has a loving boyfriend waiting for her with open arms and passionate kisses and may be there will just be her handsome cat, lying on the couch and feeling very hungry. I spot the empty table next to the window for two and he takes his place across from me. After taking a few sips, we both put our plastic cups down. I have tasted coffee and I have more energy then just minutes ago. I look through the glass windows and see really nothing. This is it. Just tell him and be done with it. He will say the same or will leave you there with your energy and dreams. Nothing more, nothing less. As I finish my overview of the outside world, I recognize my signal to start talking in his wide orbs. However, he decides to say the first line instead and I wonder, if I actually know him as well as I state many times every day.

"Okay. Let's just start over. You were staring at absolutely nothing and when I asked what's going on, you said you were thinking about the past, the present and the future. I'm sorry but it all sounds too "Christmas Carol"."

I laugh under my breath. I should definitely put that in my list of favorite things about Troy - his sense of humor comes first at all times and no matter what the circumstances are. I can hear and feel his slight blazing smile. I look up and then he begins to talk once again. I clear my mind and put my thoughts to storage.

"You said it was somehow connected with me and you. That's when the bell rang and we got here. So.. what the hell is going on, Brie?"

My palms are sweating and I feel like shit. Should I think of something else and reschedule this appointment for another time in a few years? We will be grown up and smarter. I would have written down my speech at least a few hundred times before actually having to say it in front of the audience of my best friend and my confidence would be a lot higher compared to the exact moment of speaking. I would be a little drunk then and wouldn't care so much. No. I won't regret it. Hopefully.

"It's a long story but it's simple to keep up. You and I. We have been best friends for a while. And this is really hard for me to explain and to just say to you right now. It's really hard."

He gently grabs my hand and by doing that simple gesture, which I have received at least a thousand times from him already, he makes it so much harder. And I bet he doesn't have a clue what I am going to say after only seconds. He doesn't even expect it. But wait - can I keep this secret any longer? I've kept it long enough. I suffered and hid it inside of me for days and nights which I won't soon forget.

"Two years ago, I felt something different. I felt something different towards you. I am sure you know all about the friendly kind of feeling a person gets. The feeling when you look at somebody across from you and you swear in your mind that you will do anything for them under any circumstances. Well, I did feel that and more for you but two years ago that changed. I began exploring the feeling when you look at somebody across from you and you swear they make your heart skip a beat."

There is a moment of silence. This whole time, while saying the words I said, I kept looking in my coffee and the plastic material it was wrapped in. I couldn't look him in the eyes even though I know it would be the best thing to do. They say they are the true windows to a person's soul, so by staring in the blue skies of his, I could have just seen what he felt and how his emotions changed when my last sentence ended. But no. If I look up, I will leave. Those eyes are captivating and I love them but right now, I am somehow sure they will hurt me. And make me escape.

"What are you saying, Gabriella?"

The use of the full name has always been a sign that the situation was serious and he wanted a serious answer and explanation. I feel like just closing my own eyes and drifting somewhere far, far away from the place where I am sitting in. It is time for the key words to come out from my mouth and unfortunately, I am in no position of running away because he would probably just chase after me. Probably.

"I am saying I have been in love with you for two years. Everything passed away when you were with her but now everything is back with full force and I don't know what to do."

I slowly center my look on his confused face and suddenly I want to cry. The windows to his soul are bigger than ever and they are empty, lifeless. His lips are slightly parted and it seems like they are frozen and lifeless as well. His hands are on the table but not moving. He looks me straight in the eyes. It's like he wants to ask me something, wants more words to come out from my mouth but I don't know what to do. I say nothing. He turns around and grabs his leather jacket, which smells like his perfect colon, in his right hand. I hear the sound of his sneakers stepping on the dirty white floor as he leaves the coffee shop without pronouncing another word or turning back. And just like that, I look down at my trembling and sweaty hands and I..I realize the actual, ugly and unbarring truth. He has become untouchable. Untouchable to everything and everyone. And most importantly - untouchable to me.

I slam the door of my empty and dark house. After throwing quickly away my stupid plastic cup of little coffee left inside, I got a taxi and arrived in the place I call my home or the place where my bed and favorite balcony are. I don't know what I am going to do if I change rooms with mum one day. I do love mine and it is only because of my lovely balcony. It is small and through the years, it has become my escape. Every single night I go outside for an hour or two, sometimes even more if I can afford the time. After finishing my homework, chatting with friends in Facebook about really nothing and preparing for the next day, I breath in some fresh air and with a warm blanket by my side, I sit on the floor and stare at a particular tree and its beautiful branches. When the sky is full with twinkling stars, the atmosphere is even better and I focus my eyes on them. The time I spend on my balcony is my favorite time of the day. It may sound strange or even crazy but that's just me. I haven't told him but he found me a few times last month when I was just sitting there and listening to music, so I guess he has figured it out by now. That's why the leader came along. My mind clears out and I know I have made everything for the day and can truly relax. The feeling is really gorgeous. I think about him, about my mother, about my future and about my plans. I think about every single thing. However, after doing what I just did, I don't think the balcony will help me escape from my nightmare. Or life as some call it.

Of course, she isn't home. She is still working and I will see her tomorrow morning if I am very, very lucky. I kept my tears trapped inside of my eyes and mind in the car, because I didn't want to scare the driver. I didn't want him to start asking stupid questions or get nervous or disturbed by me. I just wanted a ride home. I wanted to seem angry and in a hurry, so he does his job - move quickly on the road to the place where I described the address of. Now when I am finally here, I can't help myself. I slide down the door and my body touches the cold floor. I don't mind the cold. I feel colder than ever right now, so there simply cannot even be a comparison. I rest my face on my knees and quickly my black jeans become wet. How did I get here? How did I return to this position, this bad dream? The nightmare of crying over him. My first mistake was to admit to myself that he is beautiful, too beautiful to be just my best friend. After reaching to that assumption, I went lower from his gorgeous face and ended at the stop of his athletic body. Masculine arms, build-up shoulders, a six pack and thin legs. What more could you ask for? He became perfect in my eyes and my own ones started looking at him with a different background. I started wondering and recklessly imagining scenes during classes. The scene of our first date, the scene of out first kiss outside of my house and on my porch, the scene of our picnic under the stars when we would say those three magical words and feel closer than ever. I rationalized about every single step of our imaginary relationship which I was the only real part of. And that's how it happened. I fell in love with him without actually him participating in whatever the situation was inside my thoughts. I am not sure how everything turned out the way it is now or how much time it actually took for me to fall in love by myself. But it did. And it hurt the hell much.

I decide to go to my room and take a hot shower. I don't bother turning on the lights in the kitchen or living room because she will turn them on once she gets back home and decides to eat something before hitting the pillow for two hours. Sometimes I do wonder without irrationally about my only family and my so-called support at home. I wonder how on Earth she could have the lifestyle she has and has had for far too long. She gets up after sleeping four hours tops, puts on something to wear and with a coffee in her hand, goes out of the front door and to her fabulous and hectic office. There are always notes left behind..for me. Notes which say the same thing over and over and over again with a sudden change of the words used - "I am sorry but I have tons of things to do at work. See you later. Love you. Always."

That's why a while back, I just started ignoring them. Nothing of the things written on those notes ever came true and they didn't change a single second of my lifestyle, so why bother after receiving the fiftieth one? I know that if there is something important she needs to tell me, she will just text or call me and not write it on the usual note declaring really nothing except the fact that she doesn't have time for her own daughter. She always responds the same when I ask her about a family weekend - "I am sorry. I can't. It will happen very soon once I get a break for a few days." We have been waiting for that break to come knocking on our door for five years now. She is still somehow hopeful but I am not even close to being that. I've given up. I've given up on family weekends, Friday movie nights with her involving candy, chocolate and popcorn. I've given up on having the slightest hope of seeing her face for a brief moment during the day and have a decent and honest conversation explaining my pain and feelings for Troy. It wasn't so easy giving up all of those things since I never had an actual taste of them in the first place. And yes, she knows Troy..as my very best mate and nothing more. I wonder if that fact will ever change or her safe assumption about my life would have to change. Probably not.

I enter my room, my freedom and my personal space. A room not so big but small enough to fit in all of my life. It's not that dark yet. It's probably around five. I can see everything - my bed, furniture, drawers, stacks of Vogue, records - old and new ones, school papers. So, I let it stay that way. My eyes feel heavy and I can hardly keep them open because of all the crying they just survived through and would probably have to face again pretty soon. I let the hot water fill the tub while I take a clean and fresh towel out of my blue drawer. I can feel the steam against my cold skin and I already feel relaxed just by having a small sneak peek of the atmosphere I would die in after just moments. I love baths and usually take them while reading a book or listening to those low love songs you could never get tired of. However, I know that once I dive in now, I will be busy enough with just my thoughts and adventures which happened an hour ago. The mirror looks at me and I stare back like I have no chance of saying "no". I am truly such a sad excuse for a girl right now. I don't look like one and if my mother was here, I would have scared the hell out of her by now. If I say my make up is just ruined, that would be a complete understatement. The eye liner is not where it is supposed to be and actually was recently. The lipgloss cannot be seen because of its disappearance over coffee. And the blush has also left me without a spark in the cheeks. I wash my face and think for a moment if by going at it with so much water over and over again, I could wash all my bad memories from this bad day away. Or put them in this box or file I don't have to get involved with for the rest of my life. I've had enough and I definitely do not want to rationalize on and on..Like I always end up doing.

The clothes fall easily to the ground. My body is somehow aching and lifeless at the same time. The hot water wakes me up a little but as soon as my head is resting back, my eyes are closed and everything turns into black and white. No, grey actually. He appears in front of me with his blue eyes taking almost all of the space there is. He smiles and turns around as if seeing me and then deciding to run away. If that was a short summary of my future with Troy, I think I might consider suicide right at this moment and this position. He smiled, we were friends, shared everything, helped one another and always hugged when one of us was upset or failed an important and meaningful test. His blue eyes drugged me and became my addiction. A cloud so powerful and full of light that blinded my boring brown orbs which, on the other hand, became a victim just like I did. He was so good that I just gave up in the end and had to confess. And ruin everything with my plain explanations. I knew it from the beginning. I was going to lose the battle I was playing on my own. Nothing and no one could change it but I was stupid enough to proceed. I let myself think that just for a moment, a mere second of the busy day, may be happy ending will arise. May be he will feel the same way and may be we will kiss the night away. May be all this time, while I was hiding in the corner from life and love, he was doing the same and today our paths would collide and we would continue on together, brushing shoulders, side by side.

Dummy. Dreaming and dreaming on without a stop. I am and will never be his type, never in a lifetime. He likes blondes. I am brunette. The long legs have to be there. Mine are not short or fat but certainly not like Victoria Secret's models either. He tries to be careful almost all the time while I tend to be crazy and spontaneous constantly. He plays sports and I cannot stand PE classes. He adores his guitar and I just listen to him playing without having a clue for the notes he is using and the melody he is so addicted to. I just have ears and that's it. I want adventures and he wants family and friends and success. We are from the South and the North Pole, from so different worlds. We are part of these foreign to one another planets which are meant to compete against each other because of their endless differences. We do have the same Milky Way but then again - we can always change it or at least decide whether to follow it or not. I read a while back somewhere that opposites collide. They are designed to do it and there's no way other than that. Where is that collision because I don't see it? And if the chance of collision is increasing, I want to know that it's doing so. Because then - I will have that feeling they call hope. Hope dies last and keeps you strong as much as it has the possibility to. But hope can be both on the positive and negative side of a battery. It can help and it can hurt just as much. It can keep you alive or it can have that strong of influence on you that in the end, you are alone and there is no chance left. However, you are too blind to see it because of your undying hope..and faith which comes along with the package. Where to turn to exactly? Which side to be on? Which team to want to be a part of or someday even - a captain, the leading star and wisdom of?

As I start rationalizing on my endless questions in my sleepy mind, I get interrupted by a certain scary noise coming from somewhere in the house. I could sense it was near me because I heard it quite good the second time around. I couldn't decide whether it was on this floor or in the kitchen downstairs. I unwillingly step out of my hot rationalizing bath and wrap loosely the prepared for much later towel around myself. I am guessing something fell down or my mom got home. No, that's too big of a fantasy. She is still working for sure. I open the door quickly because I want to get this search party over with as soon as possible and get back to my steam prison. I freeze. My breath is caught somewhere inside my throat and again the craziness of the stomach and the sweaty hands come without a simple warning. I wake up from my bath dream because blue, my familiar blue strikes me. I almost drop my towel but the second intoxicating look he sends me instantly has an effect of alerting each and every bone of my body. I feel my reflexes break through and that same old nerve-racking heartbeat of mine, sounding everywhere in the room and somehow confusing me. What is he doing here? I really do not want to fight or have the stupid arguments that don't mean anything. I suddenly realize I did wash my face and messy make up before going in my spa department. I sigh in my he had seen me like that, he would have left by now because of the monster which had been standing just centimeters away from him and he has to alarm the zoo about.

The oceans start traveling down from my white and shocked face and land on my fashionable towel. I move my own look and take in his full appearance. He is wearing the same clothes as he was in the dreadful coffee shop and school before that. The black ripped jeans I love so much, a grey T-shirt which sticks tight into his upper body and you can see his flat and muscular chest and stomach by just taking one glance. The leather jacket I have worn countless times and old sneakers that I just describe as adorable. I see that his knees are a little green, so I make the assumption he has been sitting on the ground and probably was surrounded by grass minutes ago. His hair is perfectly coiffed in a messy way as it always is. I have to admit he looks tired and I know why. He has been thinking it all through, registering it and trying to take it all in as smoothly as he possibly can. He ran away to have privacy. It doesn't give me any hope because still - he ran away..from me and my confession. And now he is here. This is bullshit.

"Troy..what are you doing here?"

I am surprised of the sound of my voice. I thought I lost it. It comes out as a slow whisper but loud enough for him to hear. I tighten my towel and pull my shoulders back a little, trying to show more confidence and bravery which I hadn't even met yet. He knows me too well and that's why I am one-hundred percent positive a simple pose won't fool him. I am just trying my best.

"I came to talk to you. I..I am so sorry I ran away like that."

He shifts a little and takes exactly three nervous steps towards me. I don't move because of my surprise yet once again. We are not that apart now. And I can almost quite feel his hot breath on my left cheek.

"Why did you leave like that? You turned around and you just escaped. You should have stayed and we could have talked at least a little more."

"I know that. I wanted some space and time to think. I am sorry."

After that second "sorry" something kicks inside of me. His eyes are just as blue as they are exhausted. His forehead lines keep meeting together and his hands are buried deep inside his small pockets as if they are trying to hide away from me and the rest of the world. May be he is sorry and may be I would have done the same thing if I was in his position. May be.

"It's fine. How did you get in here anyway"

"I used the leader and your window door was fortunately unlocked."

I nod in understanding as the pieces finally come together. Now only one single thing is left to be said - after all this thinking he had just done, what is the decision? What is his conclusion? What's in it for me?

"Troy..you're here and I am here. Tell me. Now."

Worry washes all over his handsome face the instant moment the words escape from my mouth. He looks at his familiar sneakers and takes in a sharp breath as if recollecting everything inside of his head and trying to put it in the correct order. I swallow slowly and start feeling the anticipation and worry and emotions all over my body and mind. What now?

"Brie, the truth is it took me a really long time to get here. And yes, I have finally arrived."

He lifts up his right hand and gently strokes my cheek while I am blinking in surprise and trembling like never before. Our eyes are connecting and the shivers are running down my spine so fast that I cannot help but feel like I am tangled up in them without a fire escape to run to in case of an emergency. By just one touch, sensations are present and heart is everywhere and anywhere but the place it belongs to.

"What do you mean?"

"You are the one..you have always been the one."

After that sentence, his soft pink lips crash into mine and his fingers are instantly pressed in the back of my shivering neck, pushing me towards him with full force and passion. I slide my arms around his waist and then catch his hair and stroke his chest with my own fingernails, digging in harmlessly with full excitement and ecstasy. So many things I have wanted to do for too much time, so many movements I have wanted to try, so many of his reactions I have always wanted to witness. My mind goes blank and I only respond to the need, to the want and to the eternal fantasies I am now purely living.

His tongue gently licks my bottom lip and I allow him to enter my mouth fully. I hear his sudden moan and smile into the kiss. Then I realize his big hands are stroking my back and going down to my waist but still end up quite separated because of the hard and unbreakable material of my towel. I remove his jacket in a mere second and it drops to the ground roughly without making any noise. He takes off his sneakers in a fast motion and kicks them somewhere in the left corner of my bedroom..or may be the right one. After easily-counted moments, I can feel the familiar bed pressing hard to my ankles. I take off his grey shirt and finally feel his soft skin against my warm and craving for worldwide connection fingers. I have never felt something so baby-soft-like and still reckless and somehow rebellious. His stomach is as hard as ever and his arms tend to send blazing fireworks towards me without a warning. His black jeans cover my bare feet on the soft floor and just like that, my towel gets out of the way and I meet the soft material of my bed sheets under my now fully naked body. Our eyes connect for the first time since everything started moments ago and anything can happen moments from now. I feel happy and silently sighing in just as joyful relief because of the vision I see before me.

So very hard to explain. I see it in his blue cosmic windows. In this light and wonderland atmosphere, they show everything which needs to be shown to anyone standing in the way. I have thought about this situation hundreds of times. I've always concluded right now I would feel extremely nervous and exposed to a stranger and the whole world even. I would be thinking constantly about nothing but finishing the first experience like I never wanted something so bad in my whole life. Moreover, feeling the need and want to get away, to escape and turn the next page of the novel describing my life. It has been writing itself in the back of my mind for a very long time now. I am so unusually sure that novel would may be turn out to be a quite successful best-seller or in the luckiest case - a topic which wouldn't leave people's mouths for at least a day. If you think about it, who wouldn't want to buy a book about drama, depression, love and then passionate young sex? Everything which is said to sale like no other would be put in one whole piece - my very own personal book. However, let's bravely go back to reality.

In the very moment of speaking, I am naked and I am lying underneath the guy of dreams. Will he like the things he would see or should I just kill myself right here and right now? Will I enjoy it? Will we connect?My best friend, my present lover and the most important person for me. I would always choose him over anyone there is to choose from even though it sounds like coming out from an old movie with Audrey Hepburn. The kind of movie you watch with tears constantly building up in your eyes. The watery fireworks aren't there because the scene is sad for the characters. They are there because you wonder if you would ever find someone like that or be able to feel something compared to the showings on the big screen. I would do anything and I would give up anything to have this moment last forever or at least for a very big part of it. And yes. I would choose him over Johnny Depp. The fact that I am willing to continue this unexplainable sensations and actually explore the feelings they describe in Cosmo's columns and "Sex and the City", is proof enough to show the outside and inside picture of me and Troy - we were friends and now we are people who love each other and have admitted everything. Nothing more, nothing less and just something to feel ecstatic about.

"I want you."

He means it and believes it. He strokes my arms a few times with his own while I am frozen by the childish yet mouthwatering touch of his large bare hands. I wonder if this can get any more unreal, any more..unexplainable. Before kissing him as passionately as I can, I come to the final end of our beginning saying the words expressing want, my prince charming opened up. To me. He is no longer untouchable. And never felt so close.


End file.
